Phantasmagoria of Unrelated Plots
by UnendingEmpire
Summary: This is a series of one-shots with absolutely no common factor. Most recently, Halloween strikes Gensokyo, and Kogasa needs help surprising folks. Meanwhile in an AU city, Byakuren is trying to work with the newest kid who found her way into the local youth shelter, but she just won't cooperate. Rated for any possible future content.
1. Plot 1: The Myouren Temple's Mystery Box

**Despite my being a retired fanfic writer, I still have the urge to write something now and then. Quick one-shots like these keep my creative appetite happy, and help keep the brain juices flowing.**

**It's a quick one about Kyouko this time, with a box. I originally wrote it on shrinemaiden DOT org, but felt it would be good to share here as well.**

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The Myouren Temple was a very fine establishment. It used to be a boat, many people knew, and its residents were all youkai. Some people called it "Youkai Temple" as opposed to Myouren because of it, but the people living there were pretty harmless. If you wanted a dangerous youkai, you went into the Forest of Magic, or pranced about with a sign that said "Youkai Exterminator" in big rainbow letters for all to see. No, if you wanted youkai of a more peaceful demeanor, the temple was a good place to look. Even the janitor - a petite yamabiko with the power to reflect sound - was pretty harmless. On the other hand, the people living around the temple didn't like her insistence on waking up the temple's residents at 6AM sharp, every morning, without fail.

With that schedule in mind, the residents of the Myouren Temple would have now been awake for twelve hours. Things went as things tended to. Byakuren did her thing out and about in the village to try and get people to convert to Buddhism, Ichirin defended the temple alongside her companion Unzan, and Shou...

"You haven't seen my pagoda, have you?" Shou lost it. Again. You'd think that somebody with the power to gather treasures using her pagoda wouldn't lose the source of her power so frequently, and it was rapidly becoming an in-joke around the temple that her power was actually to _lose_ treasures, which complimented Nazrin's powers quite well. Since Kyouko was the one who did the cleaning around the temple, it stood to reason that a lot of missing object questions go through her before anybody else. At the sight of Kyouko's soundless response - a shaking of her head to indicate she indeed hadn't seen the jeweled pagoda - Shou turned in dejection to commence her search. But not before stopping suddenly, and reaching into her sleeves to pull out a box. "Mamizou said to give you this," Shou explained, turning and holding out the box. The box itself was - to Kyouko's observations - pink and green with bits and pieces of many different sutras written along it. "She said there's a prize if you can open it."

"A prize?" Kyouko wasn't the kind to seek out prizes often, but it was a box! A box of pure mystery, with who-knew-what kind of prize inside! Compelled more to find out what was inside than actually win it, Kyouko nodded in understanding. She then promptly set her broom down on the wall, and held the box in her hands. It was rather light, but shaking it told her something was certainly inside. Maybe if it was so light, she could just run the end of her broom through it? Even if she broke the contents, she really just wanted to know what they were. Deciding upon that course of action, Kyouko set the box down in front of her, and picked up her trusty cleaning tool once more. With a powerful slam down and an awkward screech vaguely resembling some kind of battle cry, Kyouko's broom end flew down toward the box. Instead of the expected result, the broom broke, and the force of the hit sent Kyouko reeling back until she hit the wall, half a broom in her hand. She'd have to dispose of the broom pieces, then tell Byakuren that a new broom was required as soon as possible. Getting up to her feet, the yamabiko said "I'll go get the box open. I won't come back until I do!" With that, she gathered up the tiny wood pieces and the half-broom in her hand, picked up the surprisingly sturdy box, and started making her way toward the exit.

The scenery of the Human Village exploded before her eyes as she did so. The fine architecture, the cozy dirt roads lined with sakura trees freshly blooming in the spring of Gensokyo, the pink-haired menreiki youkai some people were still getting used to, and - of course - the many humans buzzing about their busy little lives. None of them would be able to open the box, most likely. Something that smashed a broom was more for a youkai to open. She'd start with the menreiki, whatever her name was. What was it, again? Kyouko remembered that the first two syllables sounded like her own name, but forgot since her stay at the Myouren Temple was rather short. She just called her "Mask-chan" since all those masks around her stood out.

"Mask-chan!" Kyouko called. "I have a question for you!" That got her attention. With a somewhat goofy smile on her face, Kyouko made her merry way down, carrying the box whose size was about equal to her head. The so-called Mask-chan didn't really need those masks - her stay at the Myouren Temple saw to that - but she kept them around for some reason. Maybe because she was a youkai made from exactly those? Kyouko didn't mind the reason any, instead simply holding the box out in front of her, letting Mask-chan take it into her own hands.

"It's a very fine box," she observed, turning it from one face to the next. "I like the people painted on it. Hey, there's Shoutoku-sama! Oh, and that underground thief. She still hasn't given my mask back, you know."

"Nothing I'd know about," Kyouko stated at the mention of a thief, completely waving off the issue. "Can you get this open? I tried opening it with my broom, but it broke. Nue says there's a nice prize in there. If it's money, I'll split it if you open it up, Mask-chan."

"I've already told you plenty of times," the menreiki angrily stated. "My name is Kokoro. As far as I can tell, though, this box just has faces painted on it."

"Huh? No no, it's got bits of sutras painted on it." Putting her finger on one such piece, she said "See? It's a piece of a sutra."

"Nope. I'm pretty sure that's Hijiri-san's left eye." Handing the box back to Kyouko, Kokoro said "It sure is a strange box. I hope you can get it open."

"Thanks for trying anyway," Kyouko happily stated, making her merry way down the road with a box in her hand. She made a mental note to get Mask-chan's eyes checked in the near future, since sutras were obviously _not_ portraits of people. So where should she go next? Maybe listening to the chatter of the humans would help. They talked about so many things, not the least of which were werewolves, beer, a police officer, and - much to Kyouko's interest - faith. It wasn't really the topic of faith that got her interested. Oh no, it was _who_ she heard talking about it. She recognized the voice from the incident when those Taoists first showed up. Turning her face to match the direction of her ears, a smile proved she was right. That weird human from the mountain. She had the power to do miracles, so Kyouko was interested. _Surely,_ she told herself as she approached, _she can make my box open! A miraculous box-opening! I sure hope I don't get in trouble for asking a Shinto miko for help, though._ Kyouko was the most likely child of the Myouren crew, but she was like the good child who followed all the rules.

"...our branch shrine near the Hakurei Shrine, if the climb up Youkai Mountain is too dangerous," the green-haired miko continued, speaking to a small crowd of folks in front of her. "Kanako-sama and Suwako-sama take very good care of their followers, so I'm sure you'll find something to gain by converting your faith to us~! So, does anybody have any questions? Yes, you with the..." Sanae's eyes locked immediately to Kyouko. Not because of the ears, but the box. She saw something she liked; something she'd been checking Kourindou for over the last few months. Rushing over to Kyouko, she whispered "I need to buy that box."

"Huh? What's so special about it?"

"That's a collector's edition! All the copies were supposed to have been sold before I even had the chance to want one! I'll pay you 6,000 yen for it!"

"I don't know what you're on about, but this isn't any edition. It's just a box with sutras written on it, see?" Kyouko would let the miko hold the box, but unlike Mask-chan, this new potntial box-opener looked ready to snatch it and run as it was. That meant she'd take the prize, which meant Kyouko would never find out what it was. "I just wanted to see if you could get it open. There's supposed to be a prize-"

"Oh, there's _many_ prizes in that box. If I open it, can I have it?"

"Sure."

"It's a deal!" Sanae took the precious box into her hands, and set it down on the ground between the two, the wind priestess who was often mistaken for a miko getting down to her knees to have a better view of the box. She then proceeded to take her hands to where she thought she saw an opening...only to fail at opening it like that. Then it was time to use the big guns. Miracles. Holding out her hands, a faint visual of white stars began to fly around those hands, growing brighter and brighter. When it was difficult to even look straight at the stars around Sanae's hands, she shot forth those stars - the pieces of a miracle - and watched them collide with the box. Nothing happened. The look of failure on Sanae's face was - if asked by the right parties - absolutely priceless. If a miracle couldn't open the box, nothing would, she figured. "Sorry I couldn't open it," she said sadly.

"That's okay. I'll see if Hijiri-sama can't open it. She's very wise and strong, after all," Kyouko happily said, picking up the box and making the short walk back to the Myouren Temple. So Kyouko saw a green and pink box with sutras written on it. Kokoro saw a box with different people painted on it. Sanae saw the collector's edition for something. Suspicion was setting in her mind. Was it _really_ Mamizou who gave Shou that box? Or was it somebody else _pretending_ to be Mamizou? Nue was at it again, Kyouko told herself once the temple was in sight. She would definitely have to talk to Byakuren about this box. And, as though the great holy Youchrist's wisdom truly did know no limits, she was standing right there, at the temple doors.

"That's quite the box Mamizou gave you," she calmly said. Even though the title was technically Toyosatomimi no Miko's, Byakuren was certainly Gensokyo's resident saint. The woman's patience and understanding seemed to know no limit, and just hearing her voice calmed Kyouko down. Holding out a hand and smiling, she said "I'll get it open for you, if that's quite alright."

"Yes, please," Kyouko responded, holding out the box for her kind and loving master to-

_SLAM!_

Kyouko flinched when Byakuren slammed it against the ground. She was rather expecting some kind of magic to open the box, not sheer brute force. But, the box _was_ broken in half, and a bright light was indeed glowing from the inside. So Kyouko's prize was something shiny? She really loved shiny things. Pulling apart the box halves, Kyouko looked with triumph to find...

"Oh." The jeweled pagoda. "So that's where it was?"

"Indeed. Nue and Mamizou came to me just recently and confessed about everything. Apparently, they were overheard snickering about a box, so Ichirin promptly brought them to me. I'm sure Shou will want this prize~"

"W-Wait! Is that my prize?"

"Your prize," Byakuren said, turning to face the yamabiko janitor, "is the good deed of helping a friend in need. I think that's far more valuable than any pagoda." With that lesson in her janitor's heart, and the jeweled pagoda in her hand, Byakuren turned and entered the Myouren Temple. Yes, today was turning out to be fine indeed.

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**Would you believe me if I said I did this as a one-hour splurge?**

**Don't forget to leave your reviews and await the next one! :)**


	2. Plot 2: Scary Monsters & Nice Sprites

** It's been a while since I've had an upload, but I suppose that's the standard fare for me, lol.**

** This is my first for a few things. My first Halloween special (yes, I uploaded it really freaking early, but what can you do?) and the first time I've used Touhou 14's Kagerou Imaizumi as a character! ...well, **_**second**_** time I've used Kagerou. The first was a Tohohana one-shot starring Mokou that I wrote not long after 14's release, but that has since vanished before I could decide to upload it. Not a big loss; it was far from my usual quality. This one-shot is also the first time I've finished a story that stars Daiyousei, but I wonder if one-shots count for that sort of thing? In that case, the last one is my first ever time starring Kyouko in anything :)**

** Since I don't play TH14 and I haven't read any fics with Kagerou, I get to do things my way. On that note, I dearly apologize to any French speakers if I got something wrong with the language. My two big concerns were my spellings of "catastrophe" (not to be confused with the English) and "travesti." It's a pun, but if I explain it right now, that'd be minor spoilers.**

** For now, I say Happy Early Halloween, enjoy this silly yet charming tale about Dai and Kagerou, and I'm already working on a Christmas special! I skipped Thanksgiving, lol.**

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Tonight was Halloween night in Gensokyo. A very distinct night where human children dressed up as youkai and ran around collecting candy, while youkai...did the exact same thing. Of course, there were a few youkai who had better things to do with their time. Including, but not limited to, Team Nineball. Gensokyo's most loved (or most annoying, depending on who you asked) gang of merry pranksters had something really fun planned for this wonderful night. And it was all Cirno's fault.

"The rules are easy," Cirno said, looking at her crew just as it was getting dark out. "We're all going into the bamboo forest!" The rest of the crew looked surprised at this daring move. "This place is loaded with scary monsters, so whoever stays there the longest wins!" There was no prize, of course. Just bragging rights that the winner was the bravest of the group. With no doubt, the Bamboo Forest of the Lost and the Forest of Magic were both scary places at night, but there were such twisted things (and Marisa) living within the latter that Cirno didn't want to bother with that place. And before the team even entered the bamboo forest, the first person out left.

"I have a stall to run, so I have go get going," Mystia said, sounding rather upset that she lost that fast. Now Cirno would undoubedtly call her a big chicken. There was a price to pay for having things to do, and it was more than just the financial requirements. With that, four girls remained. Would've been five, but Chen had reported earlier that day that she had prior engagements. So with that, four girls stepped forth into the Bamboo Forest of the Lost, unsure of what exactly awaited them inside. In no time at all, all four girls went their own way. Wriggle went to the right simply to avoid Cirno who was going left, and Rumia – unable to see so well in her bubble of darkness – simply walked straight ahead. Daiyousei, rather than leaving, just stayed right there, at the very edge of the bamboo forest. Her reasons were simple enough. No matter who won or lost this contest, Dai was and always would be Team Nineball's number one coward, and the only reason she even came to play this game was so she wouldn't be alone tonight. And in the end, not only did she end up alone, but she wound up alone on a dark night in a bamboo forest she was entirely unfamiliar with, which Cirno had spent all day telling her scary stories about. Tenacity was the only thing keeping her from giving in to her fear and sprinting after Mystia in a panic. By the time she decided it'd be a good idea to follow Cirno, the ice fairy was long out of eyesight. So, deciding on the best course of action, Daiyousei simply went left, same as the very girl she was hoping to follow.

It wasn't like she ever really liked Halloween. Sure, she loved the idea of free candy, but all fairies were in favor of that. Dai was admittedly a first-rate scaredycat, and tried to stay inside on _normal_ nights, let alone nights where people dressed up as scary youkai. A distinct memory from last Halloween came to mind at the thought of costumes, when Dai stumbled into somebody dressed as nothing more than a bloody human. Even in the face of a relatively harmless costume, Dai still needed a new dress that night. Halloween was a scary night for a weaker fairy, and adding that to being easiliy scared as it was made tonight a really bad night for her. And this was all before anything even remotely scary happened. As luck would have it, though, that thing just _had_ to happen the second Dai let her guard down. She heard a scream. Judging by the voice, it sounded like Wriggle. She was the second-bravest in the group next to Cirno, so for something to scare her, it had to be pretty bad.

Daiyousei's reaction was to turn around to begin running away...only to find herself lost. It _was_ called the Bamboo Forest of the Lost, but the fairy hadn't expected to get lost so soon. Panic took little time to set in. In the end, she concluded that she was probably going to die here tonight in one way or another, even if it was death by fright. _Especially_ death by fright. At least luck smiled on an otherwise-unlucky fairy for a second, when she saw a familiar face sprinting right past her. Wriggle, almost as hysterical as when she'd been captured by that flower youkai a few weeks prior to tonight. So she was alive.

"She's gonna frigging eat me alive!" the firefly screamed, bolting right past Daiyousei. No matter how lost one gets, running in a straight line long enough can get one out of anywhere, so Dai was sure Wriggle could get home relatively safe. For now, she had bigger concerns. _Who_ was going to eat Wriggle alive? And more importantly, _what_? There was an earth spider Wriggle had mentioned once before, and Mystia was a night sparrow, but those were the only two people Dai could imagine as eating fireflies. With any luck, the fairy figured, she'd never find out exactly who or what planned to eat Wriggle. But if one thing were ever to conspire against Dai, it had to be luck, of which she had none. Or, more accurately, she had plenty of luck. Just not _good_ luck.

Daiyousei's craptastic bad luck shone once more in a brief gust of wind. Strong enough to knock the fairy off her feet, but short enough to do only that. Some bamboo stalks around her had been pulled out, and other tidbits of dirt kicked around found themselves very much at home in the fairy's otherwise-green hair. And so there she lay on her back, scared, alone, a little chilly, and still wondering about the identity of Wriggle's assailant. Within the next three seconds, two of those things were resolved. However, she was still on her back, scared and a little chilly. In fact, she was even more scared now than she was before, which furthered her chills and made her too afraid to get off her back. She was no longer alone, and her questions of Wriggle's almost-predator were probably answered by the face before her.

"That was terrible," a woman's voice said, running a pair of red-nailed hands through her hair as she walked onward from and in the direction Wriggle had come from and went just a moment ago. "Such a terrible wind on a lovely moonlit night." And then, in yet another instance of bad luck, this long-haired woman turned right toward Daiyousei and saw her. "_Bonjour~_"

"H-H-H..." On that night, Daiyousei would have been very able to teach even warriors with the souls of dragons a thing or two about shouting. "**HELLLLP!**" The greater fairy burst into an all-out screaming panic, too scared really to think of doing anything else. The woman before her – aside from an impressive height and figure – boasted long dark brown hair, striking red eyes, and a set of very fine red nails. _Too_ fine. More like claws, really. The ears on the top of this woman's head seemed to flinch each time Dai screamed for help again. After only two of these screams, the fairy was most terrified to find a red-nailed hand on her mouth.

"I don't plan to hurt you, fairy," she softly said. Daiyousei could hear a heavy accent on her voice, but couldn't tell where it was from. Somewhere nowhere near Gensokyo, that was for certain. "I'm willing to take my hand off your mouth, but you must promise to stop screaming first. You'll be quiet if I do, _oui?_" The green-haired fairy nodded in response. As promised, the Frenchwoman's hand found itself no longer on fairy faces, but rather on the cheek of her own face, with her elbow being held in her other hand.

_So_, Daiyousei told herself, _I'm at least alive. Who is this person, anyway?_ And as a great person had once said, if you don't know an answer, ask the question. Daiyousei took those words to heart with her next move, which consisted of looking at this mysterious woman and giving an introduction and a question. "Thank you for not killing me. My name is Daiyousei. What's yours?"

"It's Kagerou," she smiled. "Kagerou Imaizumi, very fine specimen of both woman and werewolf~"

"Oh, that's nice...w-wait, _WEREWOLF!?_"

"_Oui. _Is there a problem?"

"W-Well, it's not that there _isn't_ a problem...did you see a firefly youkai recently? A little taller than me, dark green hair, wears pants?"

"Oh, yes, I spoke to her just recently! I invited her over for dinner, but I must have offended her in some way because she just ran off. But it's quite alright, because maybe you'd like to join me instead?" The Bamboo Forest of the Lost wasn't really a place where one could expect many neighbors, which – aside from being a werewolf – made it a bit odd that Kagerou lived there. True to her canine nature, she loved people, and took dinner guests whenever possible. "I'm a wonderful cook, you know."

"...just dinner?" Wriggle ran away over dinner? Maybe Dai's luck was beginning to turn for the better, after all. Sure, she was trusting a werewolf, but it wasn't like she wanted to have the fairy over _for_ dinner. Eating bugs was one thing, but fairies weren't exactly edible, so what could possibly go wrong if she accepted? And besides, skillful a cook though Mystia may have been, Dai was getting tired of the same few dishes for every meal. With a smile and a nod, the greater fairy said "Sure!"

"Fantastic!" Holding out a hand to help Daiyousei up, Kagerou said "I live in a very cozy little cottage here in the bamboo forest. It's not so great for visitors, but the view of the night sky here is _tres magnifique._" Once Dai was up on her feet, Kagerou added the same comment she'd given her last potential dinner guest. "You know, you're a cute little youkai, aren't you? I could just eat you right up~" Then with a smile that was anything _but_ calming, what with the sharp wolf-like teeth that filled Kagerou's mouth, she added "But that's only a figure of speech, of course."

"...ha," Dai nervously chuckled. "Ha-ha...of course."

"Well, shall we be on our way, then?"

"U-Um, actually, I just remembered I-I have to see somebody. M-Maybe we could have lunch tomorrow instead?"

"Nonsense~" Not letting go of Daiyousei's hand, Kagerou said "It gets so lonely never having any dinner guests. You don't think I'd let myself lose the chance twice in _un_ night, do you?"

"No, really, I _have_ to get going."

"No, you must stay."

"I'm serious, ma'am!"

"Ah, but so am I~" Picking the fairy up off her feet, the French werewolf said "You must come along and enjoy some fine home-cooked meals with me. Do you have any idea what it's like never having anybody over for dinner?" Rather oblivious to Dai's increasingly loud cries for help, she continued onward about her issues of eating alone. "Sure, I could just kill an animal and cook its meat anytime I want, but it's not every day I get to enjoy _talking to somebody_ while I do it. Canines are very friendly by nature, so not having anybody to enjoy having over is a really upsetting thing for _moi_. _C'est un catastrophe_ for my mood."

"I really can't have dinner with you! Lemme go!"

"Quiet, now. I'd hate to have to silence you myself." With a smile that hadn't yet left her face, Kagerou walked onward and forward deeper into the Bamboo Forest. With every step, Dai felt a little piece of her hope of escape fade away, replaced with the fear that she was about to become a werewolf's dinner.

* * *

_**I cento passi**_** later; residence of Kagerou Imaizumi**

"And we're here~!" Setting her fairy hostage on her feet once more, Kagerou gestured to her little cottage. Nothing all that impressive, and certainly hand-made. Behind it was a large fenced-in area with a few different kinds of livestock. Namely sheep, chickens, and cows. That area was probably the highlight of the werewolf's property, until one saw the scary bloody cleaver hanging from its gate. It – like Kagerou's teeth – was disturbingly sharp. Daiyousei used the few seconds she spent looking at it by trying to imagine which body part would be the least painful were that cleaver to amputate the fairy. In the end, she concluded that if it came to it, she'd beg Kagerou to cleave off the right leg if she had a choice. Breaking her train of imagination was the voice of the possible-amputator herself. "It's a nice little place, _oui_?"

"It _looks_ cozy..." In the face of death, honesty was always a good idea. The little cottage looked cozy enough from the outside, but she wondered what the inside was like? A doghouse? A meat locker? Maybe it was both. As she was guided by the hand toward the place Dai was certain would become her grave, she was regretting not following Wriggle's example by running at the mention of dinner. Then she was inside. Against all expectations, it looked just as cozy on the inside. A tiny little fireplace in the corner, a nice-enough-looking bed with what looked like wool blankets, and even a nice rug laid out in the center! It looked like one of those fake tiger rugs people-

"Please try not to get the tiger rug dirty," Kagerou said. "He was my toughest kill, and I'd rather not have to kill another one to replace my rug. _Merci_."

"!" So the tiger was _real_? Suddenly, all the things in this otherwise-cozy cottage seemed much darker and more twisted in nature. All she could see in Kagerou's wool blanket was the sheep she must have butchered to get the wool, and turning to look at the deer head mounted on the wall brought her to a fairly obvious conclusion. That otherwise-cute quilt with the different animal prints became a terrifying phantasmagoria of the countless species Kagerou must have hunted to make it, and worst of all was the leather seats on the numerous bamboo chairs. What kind of animal had to die to make _those_? In that moment of moderately distorted perception, the fairy swore that if she left here alive, she'd found some kind of organization to end the mistreatment of animals for things like furniture and clothing. But that was just the crazy in her talking.

"You look nervous," Kagerou said, lighting an oven and preparing what could only be described as a meat-heavy dish-in-the-making. "Something wrong?"

Dai couldn't get the words out. All she could do was stammer and stutter in a scared attempt to think of what kind of words she could use. Here she was on Halloween night, in a cottage filled with stuff made from dead animals and a scary cleaver in the back, deep in a bamboo forest she'd never escape without the help of the very werewolf she was increasingly certain would turn the unfortunate fairy into her next meal. Until the sound of something landing outside resonated into the cottage.

"_Un_ moment," Kagerou said, stepping past the fairy and out the door. Visitors were welcome, but some were more welcome than others. Notably, that doctor and her rabbits weren't so fond of Kagerou after one incident in which the werewolf quite literally devoured half of the Eientei staff. They'd been giving her trouble ever since. However, the conversation Daiyousei heard implied that the person outside wasn't hostile.

"Hey, I'm lost. Do you know how to get out?"

"_Oui_, but I am cooking right now. Perhaps you'd like to join me, and we'll take you home afterwards?"

"Sure! I love home-cooked meals!" Then came the sounds of footsteps, coming closer and closer to the little cottage Kagerou called home. "Oh, you wouldn't happen to have seen a fairy, have you? Besides me."

"I saw one other fairy. A little smaller than you, green hair, gold trim on the top of her wings?"

"That's her! That's Dai! Where is she?"

"Right here," Kagerou happily said, stepping inside. Dai's jaw nearly dropped to the floor when she saw who had stumbled upon this disturbing-yet-still-rather-quaint place. It was, of all people, Cirno. Dai was about to yell "Get out of here, she's going to turn us into dinner!" _About_ to. What stopped her was a happy declaration by the very person she was going to say planned to make a meal of two fairies.

"Tonight I decided to have something from a cow. How do you girls feel about meatloaves basted in French wine?"

"That sounds great!" Cirno exclaimed. "Hear that, Dai? Meatloaf! Basted in wine! I don't know what this French she's talking about is, but it sounds good!" Cirno for one sounded ecstatic. While she wasn't necessarily fond of alcohol, Cirno had a peculiar way of knowing when something would or wouldn't work. That probably came from or added to her amazing planning powers that outdid her control of ice, but Daiyousei still looked kind of concerned.

"Suddenly, I'm not hungry anymore," she lied.

"Then feel free to just sit and speak with your friend while I cook up some dinner~"

* * *

**One cooking later...**

"_C'est fini!_" Setting three plates down on the table with a big fang-filled smile on her face, Kagerou said "Let's all dig in! Oh...I forgot, you lost your appetite, Daiyousei, didn't you?"

"Huh?" The cooking was done? And she wasn't dead? Nor was Cirno? Maybe..._maybe_ she was mistaken. She'd once read a book Mystia lent her, about these two kids who got lost and wandered into a house. The woman living there gave them nice food just to fatten them up, then planned to eat them afterwards! On the other hand, Dai couldn't even remember the name of that book, so she obviously couldn't have liked it _that_ much. Maybe Kagerou's intentions weren't bad, after all. Cirno sitting down, taking her first bite, and immediately going "Wow, that's amazing!" also tipped Dai in the right direction a little.

"So, Daiyousei? You are dining with us, _oui?_"

"..._oui!_" She didn't know what it meant, but Kagerou sure had used that word a lot today, among others she didn't understand. In case the word meant something Dai wasn't trying to say, the fairy quickly sat herself down at the table opposite Cirno, to the right of Kagerou. In front of her was a well-cooked slab'o'tasty-looking meat that had a distinct red shine to it. That must have been the wine Kagerou mentioned.

"A shame your _travesti_ friend ran away. That one empty seat looks much emptier now," Kagerou said. "Go ahead, Daiyousei. Try a bite."

"Oh, sure." The green-haired fairy plunged her fork into the meat, cut a little piece off, and put that piece into her mouth. It was amazing! The meat was very nice and had a good flavor, and the wine she basted it in added a smooth texture that wasted no time in giving in to the meat's texture, and left an aftertaste that was somewhat sweet and somewhat bitter. It was the best thing Dai had eaten in a long time. "How did you make this?"

"I could teach you someday. How about you come by and visit now and then?"

"..."

"Unless you don't trust a werewolf~"

"I guess...sure, I could come by every few days."

"Ah, _c'est magnifique, merci! _The wine on that meat is quite strong, so I'm sure we'll be partying once we're finished~!"

* * *

**November 1st****; Bamboo Forest of the Lost...**

"Uuu...my head hurts..." Daiyousei opened her eyes to take in the surroundings she wasn't expecting at all. She found herself on a tiger rug, in a place with many decorations that looked vastly creepier last night than they did now. And she heard the sound of water outside, and a woman humming something merrily. Cirno was asleep next to her, holding an empty bottle of wine like a drunkard passed out from alcohol. On it were a whole lot of words Dai didn't understand. For now, the woman outside was her concern. It wasn't raining, so whoever was humming had to be working with water. The greater fairy got up to her feet, stepped out and around the werewolf's cottage to find? The werewolf herself, with a not-so-bloody cleaver in her hands and a tub of water with a deep red hue in front of her.

"Ah, _bonjour_ Daiyousei."

"Hi there. What happened last night?"

"Oh, we had such fun! I don't remember most of it, but I recall there was a point where you and Cirno said you were going to win something."

"Huh?" Then it hit her. Four girls entered the Bamboo Forest of the Lost last night to see who could stay here the longest. At least two of them were still there. Daiyousei smiled when she realized she wasn't going to lose this contest. No way. Thanks entirely to the person who at first nearly scared her right out of the contest to begin with. With a witty smile, Dai said "Cirno needs to get up soon; I'm sure people are missing her back home."

"Yes, of course. Let me finish cleaning this, then we'll wake her up. Will you be going with her?"

"...nah. I want to stick around here for a little while."

* * *

**For the reference, I have nothing against PETA. However, I don't support them either, and since I'm neutral, I get to make fun of them all I want. Aren't I clever~?**

** The pun I mentioned at the beginning is Kagerou calling Wriggle by the term "travesti." The pun being that while it's French for transvestite, the pronunciation is identical to the English travesty, the French for which is the other word where I'm worried about my spelling: **_**catastrophe.**_** At the very least, I know my Kagerou French is better than my Alice German, so I'm not too worried, lol.**

** One little bit of this one-shot had foreign words (to non-Italian speakers, at least) that weren't French, but Italian. Many thanks to Timeskipper1 for teaching me those words. Actually, I'm listening to that song right as I type this. Isn't that funny?**

** *whistles chorus to I Cento Passi***

** I was going to say "guess where I used Italian" but I just said the answer, lol. To my understanding, in Italy, people have a glass of wine with every meal and it makes you live longer. I wonder if Byakuren drinks wine? But alcohol is forbidden in Buddhism, though I doubt it'd stop a Touhou character =w= I'm sure Byakuren drinks, and Ichirin is her drinking buddy. I'm going to talk about language a little more, then tell you something cool.**

** Did you know that Japanese and Spanish (and Portugese too, I guess) have the exact same word for bread? This is because explorers from either Brazil or Portugal were the first ones to bring bread to Japan, or something like that. I wouldn't know that if I never took Spanish classes, but I'd much prefer to take Japanese over Spanish. A more beautiful language, that. Then again, I'm kinda racist =w= I blame Florida. Northern USA people don't belong there, but Texas is good and can become its own nation when/if shit hits the fan in the states.**

** And I forgot the cool thing, so I say here see you next time, and don't forget to leave reviews and give me your faith~**


	3. Chapter 3: Dullahan Under the Bamboo

**Prior to writing this, I did a bit of research on dullahans.**

**This is my second Halloween special, and I had the idea after seeing a cute image of Sekibanki and Kogasa together eating what looks like either the curry buns from Black Butler (yes, **_**that**_** Black Butler, obviously) or potatoes. The good thing about these two is that both of them are extremely viable characters to be either tsundere OR yandere, particularly well with the latter in Seki's case.**

**Since ZUN uses three different terms for Sekibanki's race, I choose the one I like best. Dullahan. After doing some reading up on them, I have to say they've quickly become my favorite monster; they're like shinigami but even more badass. Except in the presence of gold. That still strikes me as weird.**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this light-hearted Halloween special. Between the last one and this, DDC characters living in scary houses seems to be the theme for this month, lol. I rather like Seki's house though.**

**Please enjoy this story, especially if you're eating potatoes or a pumpkin-flavored food.**

* * *

Halloween in Gensokyo. The one day a year where children living in or visiting the Human Village dress up as youkai and go from house to house asking for candy. Even the youkai celebrated it, provided they didn't cause any trouble. While they generally didn't live in the village, there were of course exceptions. In the case of one exception, she had a house and everything. Her lights were off tonight, so that trick-or-treaters would know she wasn't in. Where was this girl? _Who_ was this girl? Her name was Sekibanki, and she'd been asked by the head of the Myouren Temple to pay a visit to help a youkai with matters the dullahan may have been experienced in. That didn't mean she quite understood.

"So..." Trying not to sound like a skeptical ass (skeptical though she may have been) Sekibanki asked, her red capelet covering the lower half of her head as always, "I'm just supposed to teach you how to surprise people?" Sitting across from her was the youkai who needed help, according to Byakuren. Sekibanki found something about her appearance, most likely the attention-absorbing shade of blue, a little irritating. Or maybe that eggplant umbrella next to her was the part she thought was irritating? Whichever part it was, this karakasa was apparently having trouble surprising others, and so Byakuren called in a supposed expert in the field. Why they thought Sekibanki was a surprise expert, she didn't know, but they were giving her and this girl – Kogasa, was it? – a meal of curry with rice and an experimental dish from the cook that was composed of chocolate-based curry in a tasty fried bun. It sounded vaguely familiar to the dullahan, but she wasn't going to press the issue, partially because it reminded her of potatoes; her favorite food. Rather, she was just going to enjoy a bite of this so-called curry bun while awaiting Kogasa's answer.

"I can't surprise anybody around here," Kogasa confirmed. "Whenever I try, I just fail and I usually get hurt. So Byakuren said you could help me! Yes, she said a dullahan like you could—"

"**SHE KNOWS!?**" Sekibanki asked, spewing chocolate and fried bun everywhere. A big smile cracked across Kogasa's face at the look of utter surprise and shock on Sekibanki's.

"You didn't know she knew? She can see past everything; she knew you were a dullahan the instant she saw you pass by here the other day," Kogasa said as if this was the most common fact in history. "Since tonight's Halloween, she said you could help."

"Mmm..." Sekibanki sensed a tricky situation. On one hand, she'd have to put up with this karakasa's crap all night. On the other, Byakuren could have easily blackmailed her with her youkai secret if she refused to help, and with that everybody would lose their trust in her. "I'm not all that great at surprising people," Sekibanki admitted. "The biggest thing I can do right now is detach my head, but it's always been like that." Standing up (and not releasing her curry bun) Sekibanki said "_But_, I guess if I have to, I have to. I sure hope you've been on a horse before."

"Nope~"

_This is gonna be a long night..._

* * *

**Not much later; Sekibanki's house...**

"Not many people get to see the inside," Sekibanki said, opening the door to her house. "I keep some souveniers in here."

"What kind of souven..." Kogasa's jaw dropped. Sekibanki said she kept souveniers here, but to Kogasa, they looked more like war trophies. Most unnerving was the human spine hanging on the back wall, with what looked like a person's lower arm attached to the end to act as a handle or grip of some sort. Among other items were a few skulls that had their tops chopped off so as to stick a candle inside each, a disturbingly well-preserved human head that was lacking a pair of eyes, and the oldest most rotten-looking potato Kogasa had ever seen. The fact that there weren't worms and cockroaches swarming around the thing was a surprise in itself.

"Don't eat the potato," Sekibanki warned. "It's from home, and helps me think of better days."

"C-Can I ask what kind of days those were?"

"Potato famine. Lots of people starved to death. I had a good run until that Patrick guy came in." Pointing to the severed head, the dullahan continued "That guy caught me in the act at some point during the famine, so I had to whip his eyes out. I wanted to mark him as the next one down, but starvation is a very un-bloody way to die, so I didn't have any handy. I guess you could also call it a blood famine? Either way, he got eaten by wolves a week later. I'm just glad I got to save the head. "

"I see...I have one more question."

"Ask away," Sekibanki said, opening what looked like a cabinet with human hands acting as handles. Based on what Kogasa saw, the stuff inside the cabinet – unlike the potato – was very fresh and would have looked quite tasty if the fact hadn't crossed the karakasa's mind that she'd have to grip a dead human hand to reach the food.

"**WHAT THE HELL KIND OF COLLECTION IS THIS!?**"

The karakasa's sudden shouting resulted in a jump from the dullahan, enough so that she dropped the three carrots in her hand and her head, which hit the floor with a distinct thud. Sekibanki heard Kogasa scream, and promptly replied with a "Shut up!" Once the inside of the macabre house was silent again, Sekibanki's head said, while her body was feeling around on the floor for the last piece, "Like I said, they're souveniers. You know, from doing dullahan work?"

"And what kind of work lets you take home _these things_ as souveniers?"

"Death work," the redhead suggested like it was such an obvious fact as she located and reattached her head. "A dullahan rides their horse to the spot where a human is supposed to die, and when we finally stop to call their name, they die immediately. The whip on the wall and the horse outside came with the job, and I collected the other assorted body parts from people who got maimed as part of their death. Do you really know nothing about us?"

"..."

"It just so happens that I caught word of a battle to the death that's supposed to happen tonight. Perhaps I can show you what a dullahan does, if you'd like."

"But, the gates..." Kogasa referred to the gates around the Human Village's walls. Once the sun came down, the gates were locked, even if it didn't quite stop people from flying over the walls. It was a practical security measure, but altogether ineffective.

"Locks aren't going to stop me...they aren't made of gold, right?"

"No. Why?"

"Don't ask. Just follow me," Sekibanki said, grabbing three more carrots from the cabinet and closing it. Before opening the back door of her house, she pointed in the direction of the whip made from the human spine, and said "And grab my whip. I'd ask if you had a bucket of blood handy, but you strike me as the type to only collect blood from somebody's nose."

"Huh?" Kogasa had no idea what her not-advisor was talking about. So far, that was about the norm, but when somebody, owning a severed head whose eyes had been taken out by a whip made from a human spine, tells you to do something...you do it. No telling if Kogasa would lose her eyes if she said no, so the karakasa would nervously do what she was told tonight. As she picked up the whip and shook in the fact that it was a person's spine once, Sekibanki fired another casual-sounding question her way.

"How much do you know about horses?"

"Erm...they like carrots, right? People tend not to carry umbrellas on horseback, you know? So I don't know much about them. Horses are a little before my time anyway; I come from a time with cars and trains." Not that she was made into a particularly happy time, but that's a story for another day.

"Outsiders these days." Opening the door, Sekibanki said "Just follow me. I'm sure the poor thing is hungry."

"Hm?"

"_My horse._" Pointing outside the door into a small fenced backyard, Sekibanki pointed to a huge black horse that had to be at least the dullahan's height. Very fine red mane, very intense red eyes, and extremely muscular. The horse looked like it could kick down the gates to the Human Village, or bite a person's hand off.

"That's...quite a horse, I guess?" To be honest, Kogasa was terrified that she'd be riding on the back of that thing. It looked more like it would kill her than let her ride it, not to mention that – as she'd said – Kogasa came from an era where horses were starting to get outdated. Had it been a train, Kogasa would hop aboard in no time, or even something among the earliest cars, but not a monster horse like the one Sekibanki owned. "It doesn't look like a girl's kind of horse, to be honest."

"Were you expecting a pretty pink unicorn?"

"Well, I guess next to all this other stuff, the horse is kind of normal? Just forget I mentioned it!" Handing Sekibanki her spine whip, Kogasa followed her eerie host out the back door to see the horse up close. There was a light brown saddle hanging on a post in the back corner of this fenced-in area, but it didn't look to be from any human parts. That in itself was curious to Kogasa. Unable to know not when to ask a question, the curious karakasa pointed to the saddle and asked "What's that made of?"

"Horse hide."

"I see...wait, _what?_" Wasn't it for a horse? Why make it from horse hide? In the theme of Sekibanki's other things, it made a little bit of sense, but not much.

"You ask a lot of questions. I remember once in France, that could get your head chopped off. Just shut up and feed her these carrots," Sekibanki said, holding the carrots out to Kogasa. "Make sure you toss them to her instead of handing them over normally," she warned as she lifted the horse-hide saddle off the fencepost. "She'll bite your hand off otherwise if you're not me."

"N-Nice horse..." _CHOMP!_ "**MY FINGER!**"

* * *

**One mounting up later; Human Village...**

"You said you've never been on horseback?"

"Cars were starting to become the way to get around when I was still an umbrell-"

"**HYAH!**"

"WaitwaitslowthisthingdownI'mgonnafalloffanddie!" Tightly gripping the dullahan sitting in front of her on a horse-hide saddle on horseback (yo dawg, I heard you like horses) to avoid falling off, Kogasa watched the scenery fly by around her. It was kind of like a car. But faster (faster than Great Depression-era cars, at least) and without any roof or walls. The whole world passing by wasn't blocked off by a car door; it was right in her face. The wind in the face, those subtle bounces a person had since a horse galloped, the whole equine experience. It was horrifying; sudden turns all over the place. "Do you even know where you're going!?"

"Of course I know," Sekibanki said in a raised voice of excitement. "I'm a dullahan! You'd have to be crazy to not be scared of us!" The two were closing in on the gates fast now. At the speed they were moving, they could probably just bust a hole right through the gates, but Sekibanki had other plans. "Hold on," she said. "I haven't done this in a while, so if I mess up we'll be charging through those gates."

"But those things are reinforced! You can't just-"

"**OPEN!**" From the dangerously short distance to the gates, Kogasa and Sekibanki both could hear the sounds of a large lock popping open, followed immediately by the gates before them swinging wide open just in time to let them pass. They weren't in the crowded spaces of the Human Village anymore, where one needed master reflexes just to avoid running somebody over. Now space was all that surrounded them, accompanied by a night sky, the scenery of Gensokyo's forests, and the movement of a horse. It was straight from a storybook.

"And they all live happily ever after, of course~!"

"Hm?"

"Oh, nothing."

"A karakasa's stomach is filled when they surprise somebody, right? After we watch that battle to the death, you should approach the winner. Or the loser." Dullahan horses were very fast indeed. Gensokyo seemed to pass by like a blur, nothing stopping the black steed as it went on. If there was a gate, it just swung open. If there was a forest fire, the flames parted. Nothing would stop a dullahan.

"I wish I could go around like this. Not worrying about locks or other things stopping me. Is it fun, living like this?"

"A dullahan's work is never really done. Every day, countless humans die, and since I'm the only dullahan in Gensokyo, the task falls to me to take each one to his grave. It's peaceful here, and danmaku rules make my work much easier. Only two people have died this past month. I believe you'll find yourself quite starved after hearing this, but there's no battle to the death tonight. Actually, I simply wanted you to ride this horse with me."

"!" Kogasa's entire face went a deep red. "Wh-What? Just...horseback riding?"

"Just horseback riding. In my time, there are few better ways to spend an evening with somebody you like than taking them on a moonlit ride on your horse."

"S-So, but B-Byakuren..."

"She lied through her teeth. We discussed it the day I passed your temple; I saw you in the graveyard and concluded that since I certainly have no chance of settling down with a fellow child of Ireland, it'd be good to meet a nice youkai who could use a helping hand herself. Byakuren pointed me to you, and we devised a plan to get you on my horse tonight."

"On Halloween night?"

"It's the best night of the year. I'm sure an umbrella ghost will appreciate it just as much as a messenger of death." Pointing out to the scenery the two saw from the stopped horse, Sekibanki asked "Are you still upset for having come out here?"

"Wawawa...this scenery..." If riding on horseback was out of a storybook, the scene Sekibanki brought her to was the best literature in history. It could only be described in the most general terms possible to avoid ruining the beauty of the night. The trees in Gensokyo that gave in halfway across the horizon to bamboo stalks, the stars that filled the sky, and the uncannily luminous full moon hanging right above it all. "Thank you for bringing me out here, Sekibanki."

"I owe it to you, for being in that graveyard at the time I saw you. Were it not for that, I'd be in my house right now, giving out candies to children who try to be like us." Reaching into a pouch on the horse's saddle, Sekibanki pulled out a brown paper sack. Opening it up, the dullahan put both her hands in, and each emerged with a brown round object. Holding one out to Kogasa, she said "Here, have a potato."

"Thank you."

* * *

**Prior to writing this one-shot, I did a small bit of research on dullahans, since I prefer Seki to be that as opposed to a rokurokukubi or a nukekubi. I said that in the beginning too, but now I'll say the rest. It had massive effects on Sekibanki and my portrayal of her, as well as going to the Touhou wikia to discern her personality generally from her dialogue.**

**A lot of things in her house are references to dullahan myths. They're Irish, so Seki likes potatoes and kept one from the famine of St. Patrick fame. She also likes beer, but so does everybody in Gensokyo. Dullahans also fear gold, and really do make their whips out of human spines. In fact, nothing in that house (except maybe the horse-hide saddle) deviates from actual dullahan legend. I'm sure Seki loves her horse, but she probably misses doing dullahan things now and then.**

**At one point, I wanted to write a one-shot starring Sekibanki where she was paired with Raiko, and that would have actually been the one-shot where she passed the temple and saw Kogasa in the graveyard. Of course, in that one-shot the dullahan takes Raiko home instead, so we wouldn't have this adorable red-on-blue pairing.**

**So here's my Halloween special #2, right on time and starring two very seasonally appropriate characters. For Thanksgiving, I'll obviously need to write something starring the Aki sisters or maybe one involving Byakuren. Is it okay for a Buddhist temple to celebrate Thanksgiving? The Aki sisters are the smart way to go here, but at the same time, I'm not especially fond of them.**

**Well, I wish all of you a happy happy and most terrifying Halloween! With that, I'll see you next time :D**


	4. Chapter 4: A HijiKijin One-Shot

** And it's back to my favorite AU, but only for a little bit.**

** With the release of Double Dealing Character, I've had to wonder where most of its characters stand in my city of Tohohana. I know Kagerou is Keine's cousin, and I know that Raiko is in the high school's music club, then there's Seija who I wrote about a little here. She's another of Byakuren's homeless kids, and is a bit like if I mixed Nue and Marisa, and added a tiny dash of Parsee.**

** A tsundere Seija in a schoolgirl uniform is a very precious thing, especially when Seija is an easy tsundere character. In the case of this brief one-shot, she's having a counseling session with Byakuren to get paperwork done so her living there is official, but I hope readers don't take the development here into account if I write about Seija in Tohohana again in the future. As always, no two stories are related.**

** I think Seija looking like Nue (especially in the drawing of her I found where she's wearing a schoolgirl uniform) is what makes her a bit like Nue, but more of a delinquent than her. Seija and Nue are both good trolls in Gensokyo. They should team up with Aya and Yukari someday to form the trolltet.**

** Gensokyo would never be safe again.**

* * *

Tohohana, Chiba Prefecture, Japan. A city with a long-running history, a well-flowing economy, and a whole lot of crime problems. If there was one other thing Tohohana had no shortage of besides criminals, it'd be homeless or otherwise troubled youths, a fair portion of which were _also_ criminals. About a week ago, another such person had come to town. As was the norm for underage people discovered to be lacking in a place to stay, she wound up living in the local youth shelter, headed by one Byakuren Hijiri. Ordinarily, Byakuren was easily able to get people to open up to her and learn their respective stories. In the case of this one, though...

"I'll be frank," Byakuren said. This was the seventh day in a row she'd brought this one in for counseling, and the last six times her new ward spoke not a word. "I can't help you if you won't talk to me. I want to help you, alright? I'm not your enemy."

"..." She didn't even look at Byakuren. Rather, her eyes were fixated on the clock on the wall, so that she could get up and leave the instant a half-hour passed. Wherever she had come from, it wasn't near Tohohana. She came here in her uniform from the last school she attended (presuming it was indeed _her_ uniform) which was black and red as opposed to the white and blue ones that were the norm for this city. While most people happily took Byakuren's kind assistance, she rejected it with no signs of budging. Even though tests showed she was probably one of the smartest kids in town, she was in the lowest class for her grade, largely because of behavior reasons. However somebody did something, she had to do it the opposite. Her name was Seija.

"If I don't get something from you soon – at least a name – I won't be able to keep you much longer. I have to get paperwork done so you're officially one of the shelter's children, and if I can't at least get a name, I can't do that. You don't want to have to leave here, right?"

"...what if I _do_?" she muttered.

_This one's a tough nut to crack. I think I get it now, though._ "Very well," Byakuren said, getting up to her feet as though to leave. "If I can't get anything from you, I can't get anything from you. Not much I can-"

"Seija," she interrupted. "Seija Kijin."

_So she only responds to reverse psychology. This should be easy now._ Sitting back down, Byakuren smiled and said "It's good I've got a name to work with now, Seija. I can probably get the paperwork done right now like this, no need for your age or-"

"17."

"And it's not like we really care about any criminal activity you could have done before coming here, so I'll just say you didn't do-"

"Fifteen charges of theft, 47 charges of vandalism, 32 charges of assault, and six charges of arson."

_Oh my._ "So that's everything. Wonderful."

"And fourteen charges of threatening an officer of the law."

_I think if I write all this down, she'll be in prison instead of my care. Maybe I'll just write a little white lie, for her sake._ "What a terrible rap sheet."

"Pffft, you've clearly never been in Manhattan."

"Hm?"

"Manhattan."

"Oh, that's right! Of course, it's that-"

"The Big Apple, New York City, whatever you want to call it. Where I learned to walk, talk, sneak, and stalk." Those 32 assaults she had back in the United States? Just 32 people who had the balls to make fun of her name before she and her family moved to Tokyo a year back. Six arsons? Five people that through years of mockery engraved it in her skull that she was the exact opposite of everybody else. There were fourteen police officers who tried to convince her otherwise, and 47 people who dug the idea even deeper into her brain by accepting it. The fifteen thefts, on the other hand, as well as her sixth arson, were all in Tokyo after a car accident rendered her parents deceased. Fortunately, Seija herself never killed anybody.

"Sounds wonderful there."

"It sucks, I hated it!" Seija's yet-unchanging expression of distrust shifted to unadulterated rage from years past and her entire expression went red as the results of reverse psychology did their job like a charm. "S-So what if I'm a little different? Big deal, I was conceived in Tokyo and born in Manhattan, so what!? It's not like I care how weird my name sounded there! It's just my identity; the thing that most makes me me! If it sounds funny and I should just go back home to all those ching-chong countries, big deal! I don't care! I never cared; I don't think I'll ever start to care about something as stupid as a name! Or being left-handed for that matter! So I'm the opposite of everybody else? _Big deal!_" All that was left was to catch her breath in deep gasps.

Waiting patiently for the girl who just spilt everything to catch said breath, Byakuren asked "Feeling a little better now?"

"Pfffft, yeah right! Like I said, it doesn't bother me."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." With a smile that could only be described as saintly, Byakuren said "Your name is weird and everybody in Manhattan taught you to accept that. Why should you care?"

"A-Actually...it...kinda hurt. Just a little!"

"It's a very minor thing, after all."

"...just who are you? Really, who are you?" For six days, Seija was unmoving in not saying a word, and now this lady was getting her to spill the beans on her name, age, past criminal charges, even a fair portion of her life story! She was the first; even if she was contrarian by nature, even Seija knew that nobody else ever came close.

"Somebody who wants to help you. But if you keep lying to me, I can't help you. You're living with people just like you now." Pointing through the window on the door, which led to the rest of the local youth shelter – a window through which they could see a fair few of the people living here – Byakuren said "All of those people are like you. You may think you're the opposite of everybody else, but you're still human. If you grew up in a narrow-minded neighborhood, there's not much I can do about it, but I can say this. Nobody here will give you any reason to hide anything; we're all here to help each other, if you'll let us."

"...so I just tell you things I already knew?"

"Yes."

"And you..."

"Help with your problems, be they psychological matters that have haunted you since childhood, or trivial day-to-day things. I think another introduction is in order." Holding out her hand (and hoping for a better result than the first time, in which Seija slapped her hand) with a smile, Byakuren said "My name is Byakuren Hijiri. I founded the shelter you'll be living in."

"And..." It took her some deep breaths, and her hand was shaking for a moment. But finally, her hand gripped that of the woman across from her. "And I'm Seija Kijin. Thank you for letting me stay here."

* * *

**I think this was a sweet ending. I almost feel like I should follow up on this, but it'd be a lot of trouble, yes?**

** I have another Tohohana one-shot lying about starring Miko and Kokoro that's about 30% done, and an assortment of Gensokyo shots, but there's no telling what will come next. Like I said in the last shot, I should probably do something starring the Aki sisters since Thanksgiving is coming up, but I don't really like them as much as other MoF characters.**

** The Tohohana girls come from all over the globe (Meiling's from China, Patchy/Remi/Flan are from England, Momiji is from Canada, etc.) but somehow I've not had any Americans in it yet. Even though Marisa would be a better candidate, Seija has to be contrary to everybody else, so she's the States-born child this time. She'd have actually been from a big city like Tokyo or Osaka if I hadn't lost my map of Japan, but consider it a nod to a certain somebody I tend to bounce ideas off.**

** I feel like I should do the Miko/Kokoro (I like the ring of MikoKoro) one-shot, and now that I've met my deadline for a Halloween special, I'm really mostly just concerned about making Thanksgiving in time. Should I do a Thanksgiving special starring the Aki sisters? Should I work with MikoKoro? Maybe I ought to continue preparing my Chistmas special? Or should I do something completely new?**

** I suppose, in conclusion, indecision is a bitch, and Seija in a school uniform is very precious. But I still like Seki best.**


	5. Plot 5: Rainy Days at the Mausoleum

** Ordinarily, a one-shot is just a single-chapter story. In this case, while that's still the case, it literally is a one-shot. I wrote this story in one sitting, you see. The inspiration was my endless search for spectacular images to fap to, actually. Despite that, it's not smut.**

** I'm sure many people who read the majority of my works may notice a pattern. In the vast majority of my fanfics, at some point or another, my favorite character in the story will wear a raincoat. Guilty as charged, I find them quite nice :)**

** Even though the image that inspired this was one of Miko wearing a raincoat (a very nice one, at that) it's largely written from Futo's perspective. It's about Miko wanting to try wearing a raincoat in the unceasing rains of Gensokyo's spring. It's actually a relatively common fetish over in Japan, so it makes sense that many people would desire to wear one or see somebody like Miko wear one. That and Miko is, as always, a glorious bastard I can't not love.**

** With that, please enjoy this story about the Crown Prince's new kink~**

** (Should I bump the rating up to M now?)**

* * *

_In Gensokyo, there is a village. In that village, humans make their homes. Thus, it is called the Human Village. Youkai also live there, though few and far between and either in secret or under the promise that they won't cause any trouble. Among those youkai and humans are two religious factions. The Myouren Temple, which houses a host of Buddhists led by the generous and benevolent Byakuren Hijiri, and the Dream Palace Mausoleum, home to a group of Taoists headed by Toyosatomimi no Miko, otherwise known as the legendary Prince Shoutoku. Other Taoists living in the Mausoleum – notably Soga no Tojiko and Mononobe no Futo – were also from Shoutoku's time and even played parts in her past as the Crown Prince of Taoism. Since awakening from her death-like sleep and arriving in Gensokyo, the two have secretly kept diaries and written about their days in them. In Futo's case, many of the entries talk more about Miko than herself. The following story was written in the diary of Mononobe no Futo one spring day._..

**Since arriving here, Taishi-sama has become strange. She's still herself, of course. Still greatly intelligent, and still a very caring leader for her people and, according to what I hear, a wonderful spouse to Tojiko. I honor Taishi-sama's decision to remain with Tojiko, of course, but I become a little jealous sometimes. Their marriage was purely political, was it not? I only wonder how much Tojiko truly cares for Taishi-sama, or if she even cares at all. On days like today, during thunderstorms, the two seem very close. While I now have to wonder if Taishi-sama in fact fears the thunder, I doubt it. Rather, I believe she may deeply enjoy thunderstorms now.**

** As I'd said, she's become odd since coming to Gensokyo. The blame lies with the Human Village's people, childish though that may sound. With the ability to read a person's desires like an open book, Taishi-sama has sometimes adopted those desires if enough people have it, and it's strong enough. Recently, Taishi-sama has taken on...well, I see no other way to put it. Seiga and I have agreed that it's inarguably some kind of bizarre fetish. For the last couple of weeks, it's been raining nearly nonstop; the last time I saw the sun was a week and a half ago. During this weather, Taishi-sama has several times talked about how she would like to wear a raincoat or some such clothing and truly enjoy the weather as much as possible. We'd not paid it any mind at the time. It was raining, and there were no doubt people mentioning such things as raincoats while in the earshot of Taishi-sama; she has exceptional hearing, after all. We dismissed her raincoat talk as being the combination of occasion and circumstance. Until today, that is.**

* * *

"..."

"I decided to make good on my word," Miko said with an ear-to-ear smile. On her body was a set of clothing that looked like it was probably custom-made for her. Starting at the bottom, she had on a pair of rubber boots in a soft shade of almost-pink purple with a design of gold-colored lines reaching from about the halfway point up to the top of the boots, where they were trimmed with the same gold color. Resting in her hands was an umbrella of the same purple color, with a handle that looked far too much like the hilt of her sword, the umbrella's tip resting on the ground in front of Miko. On her body was her usual outfit, but the piece people noticed most in the Mausoleum that day was what lied _over_ her outfit. In place of her dragon cape was something new. A raincoat that reached halfway between her knees and ankles, in the same soft purple as the rest of the ensemble with trims of gold lines. It was semi-transparent so the group could see her clothes beneath the coat, but not as well as with fully transparent raincoats. It also had buttons that ran up the middle so Miko could button it closed when she wanted to, and a special hood with two points in the corners so she could keep her hair up while wearing it. Certainly the kind of thing that had to be custom-ordered.

"But...isn't this a little odd? To walk about in a raincoat, just for the sake of it?" With plenty of nerves, Futo concluded "That's almost like a...a..."

"Fetish," Tojiko interjected. "I'm sure there are more twisted things out there, but this isn't so great for your image, Miko."

"Of course it is~!" Setting down her umbrella and buttoning up her raincoat, Miko happily said with a tone akin to a young girl daydreaming of knights in shining armor, "What kind of Crown Prince loses to something as trivial as a rainy day? Imagine it; rainstorms dominate Gensokyo, the world is on the brink of flooding, and then comes me! Protected from the rain as best as possible, I could find the source and destroy it, and save Gensokyo from a real crisis! And I couldn't do it if I weren't wearing a raincoat~" Picking up her umbrella with one hand and setting the other on the door, Miko finished with "Either way, there are times when it rains and I'll need both my hands. Wouldn't it be nice to stay dry when that happens?" With that, Miko pushed open the doors of the Dream Palace Mausoleum, and stepped out into the days-long downpour. She sounded happy as could be with a raincoat on her body and an umbrella in her hands, everybody noted.

"She'd better not ask me to wear one of those," Tojiko said.

* * *

**I still think it was strange, especially for Taishi-sama. Even if her finishing point made sense, I'd prefer to stay indoors in this kind of weather. No need for a raincoat. A few hours had passed before we saw Taishi-sama again. Tojiko had thought of ways she could get rid of the raincoat without hurting Taishi-sama's feelings, and Seiga even offered to "accidentally" feed it to Yoshika. Even if I thought it was strange and knew it was sure to be the onset of even more erratic behavior, I chose to honor her decision. If Taishi-sama wanted to wear a raincoat, who were we to tell her she couldn't? I'm sure there are others in Gensokyo who feel the same as her about such things, so it's not like she'd be the only one. And as I'd guessed, when Taishi-sama returned, she was more erratic than before.**

* * *

"Taishi-sama?"

"Yes, Futo?"

"Uhm...how should I word this?" Miko still had her raincoat on, yes, and it was still buttoned up. She still had rubber boots on her feet, and an umbrella in her hands. As expected from standing outside in the weather for so long, everything was dripping and leaving a huge puddle at Miko's feet. But...that was all she had this time. Futo could tell by the semi-transparency of Miko's raincoat; nothing was beneath it anymore. While it was only a shaded silhouette, Futo could see the precise shape of Miko's bare body. "Where are your clothes?"

"I ditched them outside~" Tapping Futo's head with the tip of her umbrella after closing it, Miko said "I wanted to feel how this felt right against my skin after it got wet. Let's just say I haven't started to regret it yet."

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"I don't think I've felt better in my entire life, Futo. This is a wonderful feeling," Miko said with a voice that couldn't possibly be filled with anything less than pure 100% bliss. Pulling down the hood of her raincoat, Miko said "I should have had this raincoat made for me the first day it was raining. I went to visit the Myouren Temple, actually, and-"

"_Before_ you removed the clothes beneath your raincoat, right?"

"Was it? I can't remember..." With a shrug, Miko continued "Turns out even _they_ liked it. I even got a compliment from Byakuren herself! She said it was cute as a button and that she wanted one too! Actually, between you and me, the imagery of her wearing a raincoat next to me wearing one, together in the pouring rain...hoho, let's just say I wish I were a _prince_."

"T-Taishi-sama! Think of your wife!"

"Our marriage is purely political; I could untie the knot any time I want to and neither of us would hurt from it. Hey, could you help with these buttons? They're a real pain to undo, especially these ones near the bottom if you don't mind starting down there."

"!" Futo's entire face went an infernal red comparable only to the deepest fires of hell. Miko wanted her help undoing the buttons? And...she was wearing nothing beneath her raincoat? But that meant...

* * *

**I felt like I was going to die just by drowning in nervous sweat when she asked me to unbutton her raincoat. Had Tojiko been in the room, she may have beaten me to death if she heard Taishi-sama ask for my help. I was very relieved for what happened next.**

_SLAM!_ "Hold it right there!" Into the mausoleum stormed...Miko? Same brown hair in the distinct ear-like style. Same outfit (or it would have been if the other Miko were wearing her usual outfit) right down to the earmuffs, save the cape. Same face that could be careless or stern when needed. Same person. The only difference between the two was that one wore nothing but a raincoat and rubber boots and was quite dry, while the other appeared to be soaked to the bone. Pointing her finger at the raincoat-donning Crown Prince, the soaked Crown Prince said "That woman is an imposter!"

"Hold on, this is madness!" Pointing her finger at the soaked Crown Prince, the raincoat-donning Crown Prince said "_She's_ the fake!"

"That's preposterous!"

"Is it, now? We'll let Futo decide, then!"

Both sets of eyes pinned on Futo, the two Taoist leaders said in uncanny unison, "Make the choice, Futo!"

"E-rm...I..." Futo found herself a nervous wreck. Here were two copies of Toyosatomimi no Miko, each claiming to be her real Crown Prince. For some time now, Miko had talked about getting a raincoat, but nobody suspected she would go through with it. On the other hand, there were many people who desired a raincoat with this weather, and no doubt a few with fetishes and wishes to see Miko wear one herself. It could have easily led to her doing it. But would Miko ever ask Futo to do something as inappropriate as help remove her one major piece of clothing remaining? But then there was the chance that the raincoat Miko was the real one simply because the story was so unbelievable. Whichever one Futo called the fake, there was a 50-50 chance she'd accidentally kick the real one out of her own mausoleum into the pouring rain, or worse.

Deciding on a course of action, Futo nodded and said "Then both of you answer this question. What do you really think of Tojiko? Really?"

"It's a political marriage only," the raincoat-wearing Miko started before her clone had any chance to say anything. "Or at least, that's what it was at first. We've been married for a really long time, and let's just say a lot can happen in that time. While I still see our marriage as political, I think our years together is making me truly love her as a wife instead of just a follower."

"I didn't really think she was right for me," the soaked one countered. "Actually, even to this day, I kind of have doubts. But like my counterpart said, our marriage is political. If we really aren't suited for one another, I'm sure she'd understand if I want to end our marriage to find a better match not just for me, but for her too. Though, now that the fake mentions it..."

"That didn't help at all," Futo deadpanned. "You worded it differently, but wasn't that the exact same answer?"

"She's copying my answers," the raincoat Miko accused. "Just like how she's copying my form!"

"I'll show you a fake! Go look in the mirror, imposter! Back in my days as Shoutoku, you'd have your head taken off for trying to steal my identity!"

"Hah, as if I'd demand somebody be executed~"

"Next question," Futo interrupted, not able to take the bickering of two people with the same form. "If Yoshika left the Mausoleum, what would you do?"

"I'd go find her," the soaked Miko answered. "I'm sure Seiga would be devastated without her around, and Yoshika is an important member of our team here. Without her, our gates are unprotected and open to enemy attacks."

"In the end, a jiang shi is a jiang shi," the raincoat Miko countered. "I'm sure Seiga could resurrect another one. If we found Yoshika afterwards, all the better."

"And now the deciding question," Futo said. "Which of you will win a game of dai-shogi?"

"It's going to be easier than counting to two," both copies of Miko said in an instant.

* * *

**I don't think I ever saw a shogi game that intense. I had expected to learn which was the real Taishi-sama within the first few turns, but both of them were spectacular players. Just when I thought one had set up a decisive trap to win the game, the other had a counter ready. It truly looked as though there were two of her. But in the end, the shogi game did conclude.**

* * *

"You lose," Miko said, moving her final shogi piece. "Now admit you're the fake."

"...hmph," the loser said, her light brown hair morphing to black; her purple eyes going red. "And here I thought I'd have some fun by undermining your mausoleum."

"Ah, you're that nue working in the temple, aren't you? I should've known this was a Buddhist trick...what's your name?"

"Nue."

"Nue. Now, I have one last question, then we'll give you some clothes that fit you and send you back to Byakuren. Why did you decide to wear that raincoat?"

"Oh, this pretty little thing?" Undoing the buttons (and morphing her skin to hide any "sensitive" features) Nue said "Murasa was talking about raincoats, and I needed a first move to seed doubt in your followers' minds. I decided to have a raincoat made for your body and hair, and to wear it regularly as long as this rain kept up."

"I see...may I have it?"

_You have got to be kidding me,_ Futo thought.

* * *

**In the end, we found the fake Taishi-sama and sent Nue back to the temple. Taishi-sama denies hearing any desires related to raincoats during the time she was missing and impersonated, but she seems to have taken a liking to it regardless. I suppose if there's ever a crisis where a raincoat will help somebody save the day, it could be good to keep around. She may be turning into a strange person by taking on the desires of others, but I plan to follow Taishi-sama no matter where she goes. In the end, she'll still be our Taishi-sama, and today ends being just another day in the Dream Palace Mausoleum.**

** - Mononobe no Futo**

* * *

**Miko is easily one of my favorite Touhou characters, even if I religiously lean more towards Buddhism than Taoism (I'm agnostic on that note; I see no reason to believe in any religion that hasn't given me reason to believe in it, but could care less what gods others want to believe in). The sight of her wearing a raincoat yesterday got me excited, so I got writing. I tried to avoid getting too smutty (Goodie Bag update is almost finished, now that smut is on-topic) since I don't want to scare away more sensitive readers, but at the same time I can't very well write a fetish-based story if I don't go at least a little beyond what's kid-friendly, can I?**

** Initially, the story took place in autumn and Miko planned to wear one to stay dry and warm after meeting Sanae, who is also a rainwear fetishist. I've decided that in the spring, it rains more often than not, but it rains hardest in summer and autumn has very cold raindrops. So is Gensokyo in the spring like such cities as Seattle and London? I've always wanted to go to London.**

** Not just as somebody looking for a good excuse (good to everybody else, I mean) to get myself some rainwear, but also because I like how well Europe preserves their history. Also that there, it doesn't matter if you're white, black, hispanic, asian, whatever. They're all just people. Racism is one thing I especially hate about Americans, and how we're all still so proud to live in "the best country on the planet" despite the fact that we stopped being the best three or four presidents ago. I think the best now may actually be France, for no real reason I can think of at the moment.**

** Well, enough of my off-topic ramblings. I hope you enjoyed this story, and I hope you'll stay tuned to enjoy the next one!**


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